Why not be real

I'm sitting at my desk and I have my journal open, ready to write an entry for today. 1/5/22. My little space heater rotates and every few seconds I am blessed with comforting warmth on my legs. I have a cup of hot coffee, relaxing music is playing, and a candle is burning to my …

Called to be child-like

If you're a Christian, you're most likely familiar with the passage in Matthew 18 where Jesus is asked, "Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" "And He said, 'I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself …

I am not her mother.

I’m sick of seeing moms with their happy babies. I’m sick of observing loving mother-baby interactions. I’m sick of hearing about their family plans, what they’re doing, talk of school, and play dates. I sit there with my empty lap, empty womb, empty soul, and listen to talk of funny things their children said and …

One day

You're in your late eighties. An overwhelming sense of fear and anxiety weighs on your chest, not due to the fact that you are dying...but due the fact that as you sit back and reflect on your eighty-some years, you've realized that your greatest fear had come true. You have wasted your life. You have …

But, not that Lord.

I remember that day. I went into my closet where it is dark and quiet and knelt down, with tears in my eyes. I prayed anything. "Lord, I will do anything." I had been going through a horrible time of figuring out what the heck I'm supposed to be doing here. I felt lost. I felt …

Treasures in Jars of Clay

I was feeling sad this morning, so instead of numbing my mind in front of the TV, I decided to get on the treadmill, then make a cup of coffee and go write in my journal. Ever since I can remember, I've looked for acceptance and worth in a relationship/friendship. As time goes on, I'm …

Sitting with our Thoughts

Why is sitting with our thoughts so difficult? I experienced this about an hour ago, as have many times before. I've had a long standing relationship with emotional eating and I had just had an "episode." Ya know, the kind of episode where you turn to food (usually junk like pizza, peanut butter, and chewy …

Embracing our Shadows

Recently, I've really enjoyed listening to motivational speeches and talks while I'm on the treadmill. Today, I was listening to a talk and it really opened my eyes and I just had to share. The video was a compilation of different speakers and motivation talks on YouTube (to listen, scroll to bottom). Anyway, I went …

Made for This

The last few months of my life have been a serious mental struggle. I feel like I was having a major identity crisis. Who am I!? What am I supposed to be doing here!? What is my life!? With those questions come the negative self talk like "I am worthless. I have no purpose. Why …

I want to be a billionaire so * bad

If you guessed correctly, the title to this blog is based off of a song by Travie McCoy titled "Billionaire." Most people have heard it and he talks about his desire to be a billionaire, see his name in lights, and talks about all the different ways he'd utilize his riches. That song pretty much …